By Ed Bowser
Introduction by CJPC
A Boston
Globe February 21, 2006 article, "State
is faulted over rise in
suicides," shared critiques of a recent
study commissioned by the DOC regarding
suicides. A copy of the report, authored by
Lindsay Hayes of the National
Center for Institutions and Alternatives, is
on the DOC
website - look down in
the right hand corner and click on "Hayes
Inmate Suicide Report."
For further information,see our May
2006 Newsletter, where under the heading,
"Joint Committee Hears Testimony on Prison
Mental Health Issues," we reprint
testimony which Leslie Walker, Executive
Director of Massachusetts Correctional
Legal Services, gave before the legislature’s
Joint Committee on Mental Health
and Substance Abuse. Her testimony outlines
practices in the Commonwealth’s
correctional facilities that contribute to
prisoner suicides, including
understaffing mental health professionals and
inappropriate management of
mentally ill prisoners.
An additional perspective comes from the
following personal account of prison suicide,
produced, the author writes, “after making a
public records request that indicated that
prisoner suicides rose 300% between January
2005 and November 2006” and after learning of
two additional suicides in December. Hoping
to add to the discussion of this important
issue, he details the emotional stressors in
the prison system that led him to consider
ending his life. CJPC presents this article
believing that it will be of value to our
readers. As with all submissions from
outside the organization, we cannot verify
the facts presented and do not necessarily
subscribe to the views expressed.
Ed Bowser has been incarcerated within the
Massachusetts prison system for more than 30
years for a crime he committed as a juvenile.
A former Chairman and current member of the
Board of Directors of the Lifers’ Group,
Inc., Ed has been actively involved in prison
reform throughout his incarceration and has
earned several college degrees while in
prison including a Masters Degree from the
Boston University Prison Education Program.
Ed can be contacted at: P.O. Box 43, Norfolk,
MA 02056-0043.
Several weeks ago I heard the news of yet
another prisoner who had committed suicide
while in the custody of the Massachusetts
Department of Correction. Steven Koumaris,
though not yet 50 years old, had served more
than 30 years in prison for a crime he
committed as a teenager. At the time of his
suicide in early October he was housed at the
old Colony Correctional Center (OCCC) in
Bridgewater.
What struck me most about this particular
suicide was the fact that I knew Stevie many
years ago. Our contact was superficial and
based solely on the fact that we were both
young “lifers” housed in the same prisons so
I don’t know many of the details of Stevie’s
life before prison. I do know that we both
entered the prison system as teenagers in the
mid 1970s.
I knew others over the years of my
incarceration who have taken their own lives,
but the news of Steve Koumaris’ suicide
seemed to be something I could not stop
thinking about. The obvious
question—why—weighed heavily on my mind.
Reports of prisoner and staff abuses leading
up to Stevie’s death were already circulating
around the prison system. At least one
prisoner alleged that Steve had been sexually
assaulted by two other prisoners and that
staff response was anything but appropriate.
So, while the obvious reason(s) for Steve’s
death were becoming known—I became aware of
what it was that disturbed me so much about
his suicide: I realized that I could relate
to the underlying feelings of isolation and
despair that most certainly must have
preceded his decision to bring an end to his
own personal suffering.
Of course, it is impossible to know for sure
what went through Steve’s mind before he took
a razor blade and cut two openings in an
artery in his thigh and another in this
throat. We can be sure, however, that he was
not thinking that life was worth living or
that there was some hope for a brighter future.
In preparing to write this article, I
wrestled with whether or not I wanted to
share my own personal experience with
thoughts of suicide which arose after my
second parole denial in 1994. My fear was
that an admission that I had once
contemplated suicide would result in my being
labeled as somehow less stable. After a
discussion with a respected Licensed
Independent Clinical Social Worker, I
realized that the subject of suicide in
prison seemed more important to me than my
paranoia about how I might be viewed because
I once considered suicide.
Though people have different reasons for
committing suicide, I am convinced that the
underlying feelings that precipitate the act
itself are universal. These feelings
include: a very deep and abiding sense of
isolation, hopelessness, despair, and
loneliness. The magnitude of the emotional
and psychological pain is so deep and so
intense that it feels like the only way out –
the only way to end the pain – is through death.
As noted above, my own experience with the
thought of suicide arose after receiving my
second parole denial in 1994. My first
parole denial after serving 15 years was
painful, but the second denial was a
devastating blow. At the time the maximum
allowable time that the Parole Board could
set until the next parole review was 3 years.
The idea of another 3 years on top of the
first 3 year setback seemed like an eternity.
I had already served 18 years at that point
and had completed every rehabilitative
program available to me; including earning a
Bachelors Degree from Boston University;
spending nearly 8 years in minimum security;
completing 49 unsupervised furloughs and
spending 5 days a week in service to the
community through two programs that I was
instrumental in creating.
When I received the news of my second parole
denial and the attendant 3 year setback, I
was being housed at MCI-Shirley medium where
I had been transferred directly from my
parole hearing. When the decision came
several months later, I remember being called
to the Institutional Parole Office. Once
there I was met by the Institutional Parole
Officer (IPO). The IPO told me that she had
my parole decision and asked me to take a
seat. I was feeling a combination of anxiety
and fear. I remember asking: “Did I get a
parole?” The IPO was as gentle as she could
be in saying: “No, you were denied.” I then
asked: “When do I see the Board again?” When
she said “1997” I repeated it in question
form: “1997?” I suddenly felt as if I
weighed several hundred pounds. I
halfheartedly asked for a copy of the
decision and asked if I could go.
As I walked back to my cellblock with the
decision in hand, every step I took seemed to
take every bit of energy I could muster. The
buildings around me seemed to be getting
bigger and I felt as though I were shrinking.
By the time I made my way back to the
cellblock I felt smaller and more
insignificant than I ever had in my life. I
felt as though I had to wade through the
deafening din of life going on in the
cellblock as I headed toward the telephone.
Everything seemed distant and surreal. All I
could think about was how the news of another
denial was going to hurt the people that I
loved and cared about. In particular, I was
concerned about the impact that I knew this
decision would have on the woman who had
dedicated the last 11 years of her life to
me. As I thought about the look of
disappointment and pain in her face when I
delivered the news of the first denial 3
years earlier, I walked directly past the
telephone feeling the deepest sense of
sadness and hopelessness I had ever
experienced in my life. When I arrived at my
cell I sat on my footlocker. I felt numbness
come over me and it was as if I were looking
at the world through a veil.
Though I don’t recall ever having a conscious
thought of killing myself I began shredding a
bed sheet in to long strips. I then stripped
down and headed to the shower room at the end
of the tier just a few feet from my cell with
the strips of bed sheet in my hand. Once I
was in the shower I tied the sheets securely
around the showerhead and turned the water
on. I stood there in the stream of water
thinking this will end it. No more
disappointments, no more pain. As the water
streamed over me I felt that water cutting
through the numbness and I was again feeling
the overwhelming sadness and pain. A sudden
release of tears caused me to squat down
under the stream of water. With my head in
my hands I began to think of how the news of
my death would impact my loved ones. The
thought of them being told I was found
hanging in a prison shower suddenly seemed
selfish and grotesque. From outside of the
shower I heard someone asking who was next in
the shower. I said nothing, I simply untied
the bed sheets gathered up my stuff and
returned to my cell.
For me, what may have been the critical
moment had passed. I was fortunate to find
my way through the fog that clouded my
thinking. Others, like Steve Koumaris, Mike
Keohane, Manuel Tilleria, Anthony Garafalo,
Nelson Rodriguez, Andrew Armstrong, Sean
Turner, and Shane Acker – all men who
committed suicide in Massachusetts prisons
between March, 2005 and October, 2006 – were
obviously so steeped in their pain,
hopelessness and despair that they saw no
other way out.
Recent conversation with other prisoners
about the subject of suicide has been an
eye-opening experience. While it is common
in the testosterone filled cellblocks of most
prisons to label anyone who commits suicide
as “weak,” the numbers of men who have
admitted that they had considered and/or
attempted suicide at some point in their
incarceration is mind-boggling.
My heart goes out to the families of those
who have lost a loved one to suicide while in
prison. I wish I could say that it will
never happen again, but the reality is that
it will most definitely happen again, and
probably soon. From March of 2005 through
October 2006 there have been on average 1
suicide every 2½ to 3 months.
The Massachusetts prison and parole systems
have manufactured a very real and very
dangerous hopelessness among prisoners in
Massachusetts. Over the past 17 years or so,
the Department of Correction and the Parole
Board have continued to implement more and
more restrictive policies which have resulted
in overcrowded conditions, prisoners serving
longer sentences and ultimately stripping
many prisoners of any hope for a brighter
future—the net of which is guarantee that
there will be more suicides in this so-called
era of reform.